Truths about Marriages
and Couples:

• All couples have conflicts. It's how you address them and handle them that make the diffference.
• It is ok to have irreconcilable differences as long as you can accept them as part of the relationship.
• It takes a lot of work to keep a committed relationship healthy and open. It does not just happen on its own.
• Many times, past hurts and resentments can be resolved successfully.

When to seek counseling:

• Poor communication: using the "silent treatment" or avoiding issues altogether.
• Criticizing and resentment on a ongoing basis.
• Lack of passion or sex.
• Focusing on the negative in the relationship on a continual basis.
• Avoidance of major issues or conflicts resulting in a build-up of negative emotions.

Tools to start with:

• Show your love. Let your partner know how much they mean to you.
• Listen actively: Show genuine interest in what the other person is saying. Try to understand your partner's point of view without forming an opinion.
• Stay in the present: try not to bring in baggage from past arguments or situations. Stay focused on the topic at hand.
• Assume the best: believe that your partner has good intentions rather than thinking that their intent is negative.
• Take time out: If the argument is too heated and is not getting resolved, take a 20 minute break. It is important, however, to let your partner know this is what you're doing and set a time to resume the discussion.